the beauty of sloppy and a little bit about cebu fashion week

i decided to stay home today because i was exhausted. this was not exhaustion brought about by heavy manual labor or intense mental exercise, but more like the kind of exhaustion that is a product of make-up application and general beautification. now, don't get me wrong. you don't have to know me well to know that i am v much a girl's girl. i adore clothes, i think putting on make-up is therapeutic, and i get supreme satisfaction from the art of accessorizing, but i think the last 3 nights have finally caught up to me. friday, saturday, and sunday were the closest that cebu had to a fashion week. i was really looking forward to it for several reasons: my mom had developed this new technique of fabrication and this was a venue for her to showcase what she'd been working on; other cebu and manila designers (including favorites like edwin ao and ivarluski aseron) were showing off their stuff, too; it was an opportunity to see and be with people; and finally, it was a chance to dress up. and dress up i did. on day one, i had on my edwin ao dress from our preview photo shoot during his night with the clothes for life foundation. day 2, a dress by my mom, which looked very much like a modern poiret when she was showing with the fashion council of cebu (fcc). and on the third night, which was sposabella, a wedding fashion show with fcc, some manila designers, and monique lhuillier, i wore a dress given to me (well,ok to my mom) by teresin mendezona, which amazingly enough, turned out to be an original pedrito legaspi from way back in the day. my shoes all three nights averaged at 4.5 inches in height. i attempted to take extra care in applying my make-up. i actually wore foundation in addition to powder, blended my eye shadow instead of just smothering it, tried my luck with liquid eyeliner rather than the usual pencil one i wear most days, i even wore lip gloss on top of my preferred burt's bees. there were going to be photographers around. extra effort was required.

getting ready for the shows was just as fun as the shows themselves, but i can't even tell you how much i am relishing being sloppy and grubby at home right now. i am wearing an oversized tshirt that my best friend, jula's mom gave me when we were 10. it is super soft from the 13 year's worth of washing it has been through. i remember it being pink but now it is really more like a grayish white. my curls have somehow positioned themselves horizontally on my scalp, perpendicular to my face and parallel to the floor. and my zit (apparently, not washing off you make-up is bad for the skin) is big, red, and although it is exactly right where cindy crawford has her beauty mark, i don't think this one will catapult me to supermodeldom. i certainly don't feel prettier now than i did the last 3 nights, but there's something to be said for the comfort and freedom grubbiness provides. ask my feet. i'll bet they'd agree.

hair philosophy

i got a haircut just the other day. normally, it is pretty uneventful. i decide to get a haircut, set an appointment with tito albert, show up for said appointment, leave feeling very much like the same old me. you see, i'd always had long hair. and up until the other day, hair cuts really were just hair trims. maybe 2 inches is too much. take off an inch and three quarters. is that just an inch and three quarters? it looks longer to me. my hair doesn't look too short, does it? it's fine? you can't even tell the difference? ok. phew.

the other day, however, was different. not my usual inch and three quarters, but a foot. i, who have always always had long hair, could suddenly feel the breeze on my neck. the decision to do it was long and dramatic. i told my family. i told my friends. i told my boyfriend. i told even my newest acquaintances. dan, my boyfriend was the most eager, sending me links of different short hairstyles i might like. my dad was instantly open to the idea. my mom needed a little convincing but she eventually decided it would be a good thing. my friend, sam, showed her support on my facebook wall. everyone else kept asking are you sure about this? how short? THAT short? i can't really picture you with short hair. i'm sure it'll be... fiiiine, but think it through, ok?

and i did. i thought it through. perhaps i may have even thought it through too much. something about hair does that to you. an ear is just an ear. a nose is just a nose. an elbow is just an elbow. a foot is just a foot. hair is never JUST hair. when natalie portman shaved her head for V for vendetta, we said to ourselves, she MUST be a serious actress to go that far for a role. when britney did the same, we all thought (rightly, it seems) that she had not only lost her hair but her mind. keri russell chopped off her locks and felicity tanked. ashlee simpson dyed hers black and suddenly, she was no longer jessica's sister; she was her own person. sports teams get the same hairstyles as a sign of camaraderie. sons shave off all their hair to feel one with their moms who are losing theirs from chemo. heck, even rapunzel found the love of her life because she decided to grow her hair long.

my point is, hair has become this all encompassing symbol of many things to many people. it is not just an extension of our scalps, but of our minds, our hearts, ourselves, and our loves. am i listening to myself right now? i am doing exactly what society does about hair. we philosophize about it.

naturally, that's what i did pre-haircut. it went from, will short hair make my face look fat to: will short hair change how strangers perceive me and will short hair make people take me more/less seriously? i decided that what is considered conventionally beautiful was long hair. (name one shampoo commercial featuring short-haired girls. people with short hair may not use as much shampoo, but they use it nonetheless, you know?) i took it even further. i said to myself that getting a haircut would mean that i have freed myself from caring about whether people think i'm attractive or not. and then all of a sudden, it was a challenge. am i brave enough to do it?

and so i did it. at then end, it was no longer a question of whether i was sick of my long hair and wanted a shorter cut for a change (what i've been telling people). i did it just to prove to myself that i COULD do it. and when it was over, well, it was, quite frankly, anti-climactic. i had short hair and that's all there was to it. i thought about the different steps i used to go through to get a hair trim and realized that although the first and final stages were a little more drawn out this time, at the heart of it, it was all the same. i decide to get a haircut, set an appointment with tito albert, show up for said appointment, leave after an hour feeling very much like the same old me.